The Wolves of Midwinter

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A Prayer Under A Strange Sun
Terri Main

Here I am
Kneeling on orange soil
Under a green sky
Beneath a tree of living stone

But it’s still me, Lord.
I’m still that little girl
Staring at foil stars
Pasted on my ceiling
Late at night when everyone else slept

I sought meaning in those stars
But they were only foil
Then I rode fire in the sky
Folded time and space
And walked on orange soil
Under a green sky
And beheld a tree of living stone

The whisper of the air cycling unit
Sings in my ears
The filters on my face plate darken
The white sun rises
Washing away the colors of night
The time of returning is near.

I scan the horizon
One more time
The orange and green have faded, Lord
And I cannot see the tree of living stone
Against the glare.

I rode fire in the heavens
Folded time and space
Who would have believed
That I would first see your Glory
Kneeling in Orange soil
Under a green sky
Beneath a tree of living stone

Haven't posted much yet! Been very busy this week, yeah yeah, excuses excuses. But I found Wayfarer's Journal and lost track of time, the stories on there were actually very interesting. Ever since reading and loving Arena by:Karen Hancock, oh.. and Firebird Trilogy by Kathy Tyers, I have desired some more Christian Scifi. Great idea to have this site put up, what I found on it I found great. Especially this poem, yes I "stole" from this site. But I am giving credit to it! Anyways what I loved about is that it fit with the whole idea of Madeleine L'Engle's philosophy. That one sees the majesty of God when one looks upon the stars. Great example of this was shown in Madeleine L'Engle's books in A Wrinkle in Time, when Meg sits with her dog on the rock to watch the stars, seeing the majesty and wonder of God's expansive universe. It truly is stunning. I wish there was not so much light pollution , so I could see more of the stars
Brandon Barr
Jim Black
Justin Boyer
Grace Bridges
Amy Browning
Jackie Castle
Carol Bruce Collett
Valerie Comer
CSFF Blog Tour
D. G. D. Davidson
Chris Deanne
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Marcus Goodyear
Andrea Graham
Jill Hart
Katie Hart
Michael Heald
Jason Joyner
Carol Keen
Mike Lynch
Rachel Marks
Melissa Meeks
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Mirtika or Mir’s Here
John W. Otte
John Ottinger
Steve Rice
Cheryl Russel
Ashley Rutherford
Hanna Sandvig
James Somers
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Jason Waguespac
Laura Williams
Timothy Wise
The Awesome Scifi site

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I did not know the world of Christians could be so unloving and clique acting. I have been in war with myself for way too many years and I just feel so confused and really utterly frustrated. Whenever I go to church, they begin talking what books do you read, oh no! Harry Potter you must be some satanist. What? you believe in women minsters, you feminist go to hell!
My views are very different from many, I believe in gun control, protecting the enviornment, and women's rights and that women can be pastors. They are people in Christ too. Yet I am shot down and literally verbally beaten for even expressing such views.
Maybe I should just close my mouth and conform and just change my views to win favor of the people. But yet it feels so selfish, I'm not doing for God, but to win the favor of the peers. I think it is sick how some Christians force their views down your throat and then just literally hog you, treating you less than a human being.
I wish I was able to just smile sometimes, and have fun like all the other people around me, I feel though I am in a glass sphere and to join in the fun I must give up my soul and what makes me humans, or put on a disguise and just pretend to be happy.
There are times when I rather lock myself in my room and just never come out. So I would not be so confused and at conflict with myself and the world. Where I could be accepted for who I am. I try so hard for perfection yet fail. I feel like a ghost walking about the halls of church. I sit down, no one notices me. What is wrong with me? Is there something so horrible about me that people can sense that makes them run in fear.
I do not even know why I am writing this post. I must sound like the most whiniest person in the world. Yes maybe I should just be quiet and continue on pretending to be happy. When I am a sad wreck inside. That is waiting to burst.
My tears imbue my view, yet I wipe them away. No man should cry, I must be strong! Feeling sad is a sin, everything is a sin! Who I am is a sin! God, I cry out for help, yet you continue to remain silent. As I slowly disslove into the black.