The Wolves of Midwinter

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Through the Narrow Gate

With a stuttered heart and
a careful exhalation of this fragile breath
I beheld my dead aunt with these lifeless eyes
Tears trickled down my marble cheeks
Then, I carefully sniffled
To recapture my lost breath
For, I’m not ready to lie motionless
Before so many fear stricken faces  and
Pretend that I am somewhere safe
Outside this present nightmare

Suddenly, a curmudgeonly pastor
Adorned with bleak blackness
Ascended the stage before my aunt’s
Bedraggled Body
It was a welcoming sight because-
Didn’t pastors pacify
This unsettling grief

Of course, his words were reverent
Flowery descriptions of my aunt’s empathy
Flowered the desolate wasteland of my
Deathly thoughts

Flowers overflowed in excess in this church
To ward away the melancholy that visits us
They were affixed to the windows
Acting as sentries to watch
For the malevolent forces of the outside world-
          These fiends cannot even enter through the
Small crack of these immaculate sheets of
Grime-less Glass

Eventually, the chilling air of
This cloistered church
Confined me to the coldness of my
Corrosive Mind
The seemingly warm pastor
Transfigured himself into death itself
While he invoked the indignant spirit
Of his supposed Imperturbable God

A hint of mournful surrender
Entered his voice
While he solemnly spoke about
The many people unlike my aunt
Who cannot partake in communion and exist
Beyond this temporal state of tragedy

Only we are entrusted with the secret knowledge
To pass through the narrow gate between
Death and the unknown
We that are few in number will
Bask in God’s glory
While the rest fall into a state
Of Sleep where they’ll
Never be remembered
Or have a chance to be loved

Everyone in the church produced
A facsimile of Mary’s smile
While I struggled in vain
With my resilient empathy
For all the lost sheep
Whom never found the serenity
That salvation supposedly insures

My heart tugged at my eyes and
Flooded them with waters
Which the elect like Noah
Masterfully Evaded
By receiving favor in God’s eyes-
Why didn’t he care at all for those he left behind?

Oh God, Where are my friends?
Have they been deemed worthy of damnation
Because their inquisitive minds
Couldn’t properly believe in you.
If this blissful eternity requires
A large number of your flock
Falling into the abyss of the Forgotten
Then, I refuse to be trapped forever in this false joy

As the funeral gathering reveled in their God-granted gladness
                                I ripped down a few flowers obscuring the windows
And peered into Perdition
Through the unfathomable depths of these shadows
Ghostly apparitions of the damned appear
They were undergoing the second death-
Signified by their tortured cries
That shook the aura of peace
Emanating within the stronghold of this church

Again, the semblance of sadness
Threatened to overfill my soul
In retaliation of this jubilant body
Which urged me onwards back into the
Pocket of endless joy
Within the church

I tore at more of the the flowers
Yet they continued to grow back
Frustrated,I screamed madly
As I forced my thoughts to deeply empathize
With the perished souls outside these windows

For one fleeting moment, they grasped for God’s
Loving  hands only to
Find themselves dissipating into the darkness
Till they were no more-
They were the unforgiven, and the forgotten

Fracturing the window
My repressed sadness was awakened-
Tears spilled from my bleary eyes
Screams issued from my unholy lips
Matching the frequency and terror of those
Left Outside

Without realizing it, I was suspended in the darkness
Floating away from the church
A number of disparate spirits
Filled my Morose gaze
They upheld me-My friends
Together, we would soon fade into the darkness

Forlornly, I looked at the church-
The Dear Departed one
That refused to Love in the name of
Selfishly seeking “salvation”
They passed over us like
Those who suffered from Leprosy

My leprosy was the infection of love
Love that refused to part
With my brother’s just so I could
Eternally indulge in the gifts of the sainted heaven
Oh friends, embrace me once more
There still lies hope
That there lies another minute crack
Along this Deceptively Dark Gate
Far beyond our earthly senses  

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